Guest post from Seattle birth doula Suzzie Vehrs.
Every doula wants one very important thing for her clients. A joyful birth. Despite the pain that is involved with birth, it can be one of the most amazing days of your life. It is the day you meet the baby that you grew for months in your body and dreamed about for years. Not to mention, there is something really empowering about doing something as challenging as birthing a baby.
As a doula, there are a few things that I wish all moms knew that could help them have more support and have a better experience.
- Always plan for the birth you want first. There are a lot of things you can’t control about birth. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t have any plans or desires for your experience. If you want a natural birth, ask for people to support you in that plan. If you want an epidural as soon as possible, that is fine too. By taking the time to write out what you want, it is a thousand times easier to gather the resources and support around that specific plan than if you just do what is easiest for everyone else around you. This is your birth, not theirs.
- Your desires may change as you go. I have been beside moms that planned a natural birth but ended up wanting to get an epidural. That is fine! I have been beside moms that planned on wanting an epidural but realized they were managing contractions just fine and went natural. It’s okay to change your plan as you go. Sometimes you don’t really know what you want until you are in the thick of it.
- There is no one right way to birth. I hear moms sometimes say “I’m not strong enough to do a natural birth” or “I feel like I failed because I had a c-section”. Here’s the truth, every single birth requires courage. Natural birth, medicated birth, planned c-sections, emergency c-sections, they all have a unique set of physical and emotional challenges. There is not an easy or pain-free way to have your baby that works for everyone. If someone is telling you this, they are lying. If you notice yourself placing feelings like a failure in your story, take time to acknowledge that things didn’t go as you planned, but then ask yourself, what challenges did I overcome? And you will see that you are stronger than you ever imagined.
- This is your story and no one else’s. The biggest lesson I learned from my first birth is that I have the responsibility in my own story. You need to ask yourself hard questions about how you feel about routine interventions such as episiotomies, what you want your first hour after birth to be like, what kind of pain management support you want. And then you need to find a care provider who feels the same way. There are absolutely care provers with widely different rates of c-sections and routine interventions. If you want to avoid an episiotomy, you need a care provider who does not do these routinely. If you want immediate skin to skin after birth, you need a care provider who does that regularly. Some do and some don’t. Ask questions and remember, you hire them, not the other way around.
- Contractions are intense but you can do it. One of my clients told me that every contraction felt like a giant squeezing her abdomen. Contractions can be intense, but you can get through it. In fact, you know what contractions feel like because you have felt something similar before. You see, a contraction is simply the uterus muscle, which is the largest muscle in your body at the time of birth, flexing to pull open the cervix and move your baby down. You have felt your muscles contract before. To do a bicep curl, you bicep muscle contracts. Labour is like doing hours of bicep curls except with a much larger muscle that you don’t have to force to do the work. Just like you don’t have to tell your heart to beat or your diaphragm to help you breathe, your uterus can and will do the work to get your baby out of your body. Your goal is to simply surrender to the process and let it be.
I hope that you have a wonderful time preparing for your birth and birthing your baby! It truly is one of the most precious experiences in the world.
Suzzie Vehrs is a passionate birth advocate, doula, and gelato lover. You can find her hiking to all the waterfalls, relaxing on the beach, and attending as many births as she possibly can because that is her happy place. Check out her blog and her book Divine Birth.
