To admit that parenthood can be straining for any relationship is not an indictment on you, your relationship, your child, or your family. It’s simply one of those objective truths that raising a brand new human being is a relatively stressful process. We’re sure that there have been people who have raised children perfectly without worrying about it once or struggling at all, but odds are those people are far and few between, historically speaking. If you feel stressed and frayed at the edges sometimes while looking after your new bundle of joy, that’s entirely normal.
Moreover, if one or both of the parents work careers, it’s not exactly easy to spend your time on one another after all the responsibilities are out of the way. But doing so is important, as finding time to be gentle with one another is key. So, while you may have a disagreement here, a tense word there, or feel so frustrated another day, overall relationships can manage this strain if you balance them correctly.
In this post, we aim to discuss how. Talking over these points with your partner could be helpful, or perhaps just keeping them in mind can assist when it really counts. Without further ado, please consider:
Balancing & Assisting One Another’s Tiredness
One of the best things you can do for each other is to recognize when the other person is running on fumes and step in to help. Maybe you take on the early morning shift with the baby so your partner can catch an extra hour of sleep, or perhaps you handle dinner and bedtime while they take a breather or a nap. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture of course, just small acts of support can go a long way.
The secret here is to be aware of each other’s needs and to offer help without being asked. When you’re both in sync and supporting one another, the load feels lighter, and the stress becomes more manageable. Remember that you’ll never really get over that new-baby tiredness, but you can limit how impactful it is right this moment.
Remember that tiredness can also have an impact. While physical intimacy is important in relationships, it’s not uncommon for new parents to forgo that for a little while as their bodies adapt to the new schedule. Give one another a little space and understanding, it helps avoid bitterness.
Have Set Schedules & Divided Responsibilities
Having some kind of routine or structure helps you avoid quibbling over the little practical tasks each day. When you know who’s handling what, it takes a lot of the guesswork out of daily life that you might not have the mental energy for. If you’re both running around trying to do everything, it’s easy to step on each other’s toes or get frustrated when something falls through the cracks, such as not having laundry ready because you were both cleaning.
Take a little time to divide up the responsibilities in a way that makes sense for both of you. A large calendar you can note on or even a mutual digital calendar can help (yes, they’re not just for workplaces). Maybe one of you is better at managing the morning routine while the other is more of a night owl and handles the bedtime routine. Maybe you’re a stay-at-home parent but still want a quarter of the chores to be done by your partner for fairness’s sake. If you agree on that now, it’ll make a world of difference.
Have At Least One Evening A Week Just For One Another
With jobs and a child to attend to, free time comes at a premium. That which you’re not spending on an early night of sleep is best spent investing in one another. Remember that it doesn’t have to be anything over the top or expensive, maybe it’s just ordering a takeaway and watching a movie together after the baby’s gone to bed can be enough. If it’s a weekend, perhaps your parents will come to babysit so you can go for a nice restaurant meal. If you’re too tired for that, a game of chess can be relaxing and help you talk with one another.
That’s not to say you need to “get away” from your child, but it’s nice to relate to one another not solely based on your newest addition. If you’re investing 99% of your time in your lovely little one, you don’t have to feel guilty about that 1% you invest in self-care and one another.
Communicate When You’re Struggling, Don’t Be Passive Aggressive
There’s nothing worse than when frustration builds up and spills over in passive-aggressive comments. It can lead to a lack of respect for one another that can spiral, even if you truly didn’t mean it.
If something’s bothering you, or if you’re feeling a bit frayed, it’s better to speak up rather than let it stew and making yourself more annoyed. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and holding back only makes things harder for both of you. Have periods where you can talk non-judgementally, perhaps a five minute discussion at the end of each day to check in. It’ll help you get things out in the open, and let you make up before bed.
With this advice, you’re sure to navigate relationship strain even with the hardship, and utter joy, of raising a newborn.
Disclosure: collaborative post
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