This post is designed to prepare you for what you will get asked when you go out with a new baby and some ideas of what to say back (at least in your head anyway). People feel totally justified in asking these questions, you will be accosted in supermarkets, doctor’s surgeries, in parks and by friend’s and relative’s If you’ve asked these questions, think twice before you ask them again!
1. Is he good?
I hate this question, it implies babies have a choice and that they can either conform and be a ‘good’ baby or not and be a what? Bad baby? Naughty baby? Babies can’t manipulate or misbehave, they’re just acting on instinct. You have 3 choices here:
a) smile and say ‘Yes’ (usually when your baby has been particularly ‘well behaved’ and you feel partially rested, or when you don’t have the time or the inclination to disagree.
b) shake your head and say no he’s awful, only said when you either want to tell them not to label babies or when it’s someone you know and you feel ready to burst into tears and discuss crying, not sleeping and sore nipples.
2. Does she sleep through the night?
Simple answer – No, unless you’re one of those Mums whose baby miraculously slept through from week 3 or if you count sleeping through as 11pm – 3am.
3. He’s got a good pair of lungs on him!
Yes I know he’s screaming the place down but I don’t know how/can’t make him shut up right now!
4. What a pretty girl! (When it’s a boy)
Politely correct them, agree or shout ‘He’s wearing a blue outfit with tractors on for goodness sake!’
5. What a handsome boy! (When it’s a girl)
See above but you’ve usually put a bow or hairband in their hair and they still get it wrong!
6. You’ve got your hands full!
Usually said to you when you have one other child under 2 with you or two or more other children with you – I usually just agree and smile exasperatedly but I did choose to have 3 children so I know I’ve got my hands full but that’s the way I like it!
7. What’s her name?
None of your business.
8. Are you feeding him yourself?
Breast/Bottle, what difference is it to you? I love my child (I breastfeed so always answer yes then get variations of ‘well done,’ or ‘it’s hard, isn’t it?’ – It is at times but easier on the whole.
9. Has he got wind?
Usually goes hand in hand with number 3, the answer is usually ‘I haven’t got a friggin clue, you try winding him!
10. Is she teething?
Either goes with above or when she naturally puts anything in her mouth. The answer is yes but babies probably teethe from when they’re born until they get a full set and then they start falling out and get adult teeth with a whole new set of problems so I really can’t blame her grouchiness on teething the whole time.
11. Is he hungry?
a) Yes, but I’m not in a position to feed him right now
b) No, I just fed him!
c) Possibly, but I’m in the middle of doing something very important like buying a coffee or trying to get jobs done or dealing with my other child/children.
Let me know if you can add to this list!