Dementia is a cruel condition, threatening to overwrite happy memories with sad incidents of forgetfulness, wandering, and even fear on the part of the patient. But understanding the disease and the progression it is making can help you to understand what your elderly loved one is going through, and how you can cope with each of the stages of the disease.
It Can Be Upsetting
Dementia patients can be hard to live with. Many people living with a dementia sufferer fully understand that their loved one cannot help what is happening to them, and yet at the same time, they become upset and wounded by what seems to be malicious behaviour on the part of the patient. This is not aided by occasional returns to lucidity or ‘normality’ which can make the problematic times even harder to handle. These feelings are very normal and you should not beat yourself up over feeling hard-done-by or angry with your loved one – but do find someone to talk to, make sure you have a relief valve, and – if you need to – make sure the patient is safe and go for a walk to retrieve your peace of mind. Once the disease has progressed sufficiently, it is time to consider a specialist dementia care home, such as one of these dementia care homes in Somerset.
Dementia Patients Revert to Repetition
It can be frustrating to have someone ask you a question over and over again, especially when it is something that they should already know:
‘Who are you, dear?’
‘I’m your daughter, mum (or dad).’
‘Oh right…’ Then after a pause,
‘Who are you, dear?’ – and so on. But the best thing to do with dementia patients is to remain calm, and simply answer their questions over and over – even if you have to tell yourself that visiting time is almost over and you will soon be ‘free’. Aside from this being comforting to the dementia sufferer, it can also help to remind them of who you are, and you might be rewarded with one of those lovely moments of lucidity, when they do recognise you and can properly express their love for you.
They Came Become Non-verbal
Dementia is a progressive disease and while it can move slowly, it can also move quite fast, shocking relatives – and even care home nurses – with sudden advances. Dementia can make an elderly relative non-verbal when they ‘forget’ how to speak, or can’t express themselves clearly. This can be especially concerning for children and dementia patients with young grandchildren who don’t understand and may question them. Speaking to children about what to expect can help make this easier for everyone involved. However, the sense of touch tends to remain, and simply sitting with them holding their hand can reassure your loved one on a deep, almost primeval level.
Aggression Can Flare
Suffering from dementia is like being lost in a fog, and – like anyone lost in a fog with nothing and no one to anchor them to reality – dementia patients can panic, lashing out at anyone around them who they fear might be ‘doing’ this to them. Nurses trained in dementia care know how to gently and safely restrain such patients, talking soothingly to them until the moment of violence has passed. It is always hard to deal with an assault, but in the case of a dementia patient it is genuinely not intended, and they are hurting far more than you at that moment. You can learn some techniques from the nurses that will help you deal with your fractious loved one.
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