Why I’m still breastfeeding past one year

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As a former midwife, I support women however they choose to feed, whether they can’t breastfeed or choose to bottle feed.  This is not meant to make anyone feel guilty about how they feed their baby, let’s just start with that!  I never thought I’d feed beyond 6 months so I’m thrilled to still be feeding Daniel at coming up to 14 months and not considering stopping any time soon.  I’m writing this to hopefully debunk any myths about extended breastfeeding people have and to make people realise it’s more the norm than most people think.

Before I started, my breastfeeding journey so far

Before having children and before I started midwifery, I knew mums breastfed, I had some dim idea about when it finished, I don’t think I gave it much thought – maybe when they ate solid food around a year?  I thought the idea of feeding beyond 2 or 3 was a bit weird but each to their own.

Daniel is my fourth child and the fourth time I have breastfed, but I’d never done it beyond five months before.  I’d always struggled, found it too binding, needed sleep and a sense of me back.  My first child (sadly no longer with us), would not take any form of bottle at all and was very demanding (we later found out why, as she became ill) so at 4 months old I couldn’t take anymore and she went to Grandma’s overnight and had no choice but to take a bottle – when she came back I was so frightened to breastfeed again that I went on to the bottle and never looked back.  My second attempt with my eldest son was better but I was scared of the same situation occurring and the effect it had on my mental health, so early on I made sure he took a bottle too!  He was very good and would switch from bottle to breast no problem.  I gradually phased out the breastfeeding though at 5 months.  My third child, Phoebe, made me so sore and I needed nipple shields to cope with the pain for over a month – I also made sure she took a bottle.  I now had two very small children, I’d had them close together and I found it hard to sit and breastfeed with a toddler around.  I mostly bottle fed her after the first two months and then went fully on the bottle at around 4-5 months.

Preparing for breastfeeding

I looked up my local La Leche League (LLL) group and got on their radar so that I would be notified of meetings.  I planned on going to an antenatal group but with work commitments and Daniel coming early, I never made it before he arrived.  I mentally prepared myself with Daniel – I felt differently, time had passed, I no longer had a toddler around, and I had several friends who had fed for longer and a good support network.  I wanted to be able to feed for longer, at least until he was on solid food.  I had no idea how I would feel, and having suffered from postnatal depression twice, I didn’t want to put extra pressure on myself.

The reality

Daniel was born a tiny 5lb 7oz (read about his dramatic entrance here), he’d struggled to grow inside and I had pre-eclampsia, so he came out HUNGRY!  I also felt I needed to feed him up, so every time he cried or remotely looked like he needed feeding, I fed him.  Initially, all was ok, some soreness, but that was improving.  He would sleep and settle and I thought I’d cracked it!  Then he stopped letting me put him down, like, at all and I was struggling – I had two other children and the housework too.  My first meeting with LLL was when he was three weeks old.  I cried, got some much needed support and from then on, went every couple of weeks to the meetings, where at the very least, I could sit, feed, drink tea and talk to like minded women.  Each time I left feeling ready to carry on, supported and empowered.  I also felt useful at times, I could pass on what had worked for me and impart some professional advice too!  I also met someone who has become a good friend.  Without these meetings, I doubt I would have continued.  Facebook groups helped too, along with real life support.

I had times when it was extremely difficult – he’s never been a good sleeper, for the first 4 months it was hard to get him to sleep unless he was breastfed or carried in a sling, he hated the buggy, the car seat, the co-sleeper and the cot.  I gave him a couple of bottles of formula in desperation, but it made no difference to his sleep so I figured he was just one of those babies and carried on.  I tried dummies but he wouldn’t suck them!  I’m so glad I persevered, at 5 months he seemed to turn a corner, maybe he got over his colic, I’ll never know.  He started napping for longer in his cot, and I was able to get him to sleep in his cot at night instead of our bed – not the whole night, mind, he still likes to wake up for a feed most nights, if he sleeps through now it’s more the exception than the rule.  So once he started solids and I went back to work, why did I carry on?

Breastfeeding past 6 months and beyond – why?

Once they start solids, they actually eat very little at first, so breastmilk still provides them with most of their calories.

It was, and still is the easiest and quickest way to get him to sleep!  Once he started sleeping for longer, it’s now no trouble to  feed him and transfer to his bed.

Breastmilk changes and adapts to their needs.  It doesn’t stop being good for them at any point.  It still contains all the antibodies and nutrients he needs.  It also varies according to whether you’re feeding a boy or girl – clever stuff!

Comfort – this is a huge part of it, he gains so much comfort and reassurance from it, especially when he’s ill or bumped himself now he’s walking!  He had his first haircut yesterday and was grumpy having just woken up – I breastfed him and it was done no problem.  He had his immunisations last week and a quick feed made it far less traumatic for me and him.

Bonding – when we’ve been apart, feeding gives us a chance to reconnect and cuddle.  There’s nothing nicer than having a snuggle and feed and watching him fall asleep so comfortable and happy.

Pride – I’m so proud that he still loves it and gets so much out of it, I feel empowered as a woman and a mother.

Frequently asked questions about extended breastfeeding

Hasn’t he got teeth?

YES!  When he first got his two bottom teeth at 6 months, he delighted in biting down, and for a week I thought I’d have to stop, it was horrendous!  Then he adapted and only did it if he startled.  He now has 8 teeth and in general they’re no problem.

How often do you feed?

Usually once in the morning, a small feed to go for a nap, a feed in the evening and one in the night.  Occasionally there is more if he’s unwell or unsettled.  If I’m working, just in the morning and evening, he has food and water, but no milk when I’m not there – any expressed milk I gave to my Mum or nursery was getting wasted so I stopped giving it to him!

Do you still feed in public?

Yes.  Not as much as I don’t feed as much during the day, but I don’t find it an issue.  I’m quite discreet about it, and I’ve never had one negative comment.  The struggle is if he’s fussing about and coming on and off it’s hard to hide – then I tell him no more.  He tends to only want it if he’s tired and wants to go to sleep, otherwise I give him a drink of water or snack if I think he’s hungry or thirsty.  I’m not one to whip it out all the time!

What about sex?

When I get the urge and time, it’s no problem, I like to keep a bra on in case of unwelcome let down , but other than that it doesn’t affect our sex life at all, my boobs still get involved.

How long will you feed him for?

I don’t know, is the honest answer.  I get the odd comment now, like – are you still breastfeeding?  (Hence this post).  Will he still be doing it at school?  Probably not, I always said I’d do it as long as either I wanted to, or until he wanted to.  He loves it, so I’m not sure when he’s going to self wean, but I’m not setting any firm limits.  The world health organisation (WHO) recommends breastfeeding until age 2, when I told my husband that, he said, ‘sod that,’ but he equates breastfeeding with less sleep, I’m less convinced it follows.

Of course, there are times when I wish someone else could do it for a while, that I’m the only one who can get him to sleep – my husband tries but rocking him to sleep can take so much longer and with far more upset, it’s easier if I do it, and if I’m there, there’s no chance as he reaches out for me and guilt trips me with his watery eyes!

How long did you breastfeed for?  Have your opinions changed along your breastfeeding journey?

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