15 Ways to get in the mood for sex when you’re a worn out parent

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After you’ve had a baby and when you’ve got young children, they’re very good at sapping all the energy out of you, leaving you in the mood for nothing more than simply refuelling and maybe watching Deep Space Nine (just me then) before heading to bed to, er, sleep (the most precious commodity in parenting).  Probably the last thing on your mind is sex with your partner, but it is important to make time for each other in this way, he’ll appreciate it and you will too once you get down to it!  Sex is a great stress reliever and can help you sleep better, it also re-establishes your connection with each other and keeps you bonded together.  He’ll also be more likely to help out in other ways, trust me.  I am in no way saying do it when you don’t want to, but here are some pointers to help you get in the mood. For the guys I’ll tell you the real ways to get your girlfriend/wife/partner in the mood for sex when they’re a worn out parent. Your tips are in blue, because you know, blue is a man’s colour or something.

1.      Arrange a date in advance to do it. It sounds un-sexy but actually scheduling it in helps build the anticipation and you’re less likely to come up with an excuse not to. Of course you can still decide against it on the day.

2.       Wear some matching sexy underwear for the day, not so uncomfortable that it puts you off, but something soft and sensual in colours you like, by the end of the day you’ll want to show it off. Men – why not offer to buy some new underwear, her shape may have changed, or get her some as a surprise.

3.       Get a babysitter – during the day, evening, weekend, whenever you can, even if it’s just for an hour, sometimes having a time limit to stick to adds to the fun! Men – do the arranging. Don’t tell her you’ve done it, let her have some time for a soak in the tub then go for it…

4.      Have a code word or phrase that means sex is on the cards – something more original than ‘netflix and chill,’ and have fun with it, no one will know except the two of you. Surprise him now and again and watch his little face light up. Men – this can be a non invasive way to find out if she’s in the mood and test the waters.

5.      Try getting the children to bed on time,  having an early dinner and making it a priority.  Record what you want to watch on TV,  put down the phones and really connect,  talk about what happened during the day,  what your hopes are for the future and just see what happens. Men – really listen to her, she may not have spoken to an adult all day and will need to offload. Offer support and encouragement.

6.     Kissing, with no expectation of where it might go.  If you haven’t done it in a while this is a good start. Men – be prepared to just kiss, hug and for it to go no further (this time).

7.     Give and receive massages with no expectation of it going further, feeling nurtured will help you feel intimate and pave the way for another time. Men – brush up your massage techniques and offer head, neck, back and shoulder massages, foot massages. Get her all nice and relaxed and in the mood for touching. If it doesn’t lead to sex this time, it will do another time. 

8.     Change it up by doing it in the middle of the night or early morning before the kids get up – make it a quickie! Men – be prepared for when the moment strikes!

9.     Just go for it, even if you don’t always feel like it, there’s a good chance you’ll soon get into it and if you’re really not feeling it, pleasure him this time and tell him it’s your turn next time. Men – when you finally get down to it, if she’s not into it, don’t pressure her to finish it, be understanding and you’ll be the hero and instantly more attractive.

How to get in the mood for sex when you're probably too tired and would rather crawl between the sheets and sleep. For the men - practical and sensible advice on how to get more action and get your partner in the mood for sex after having children

10.     It’s all about confidence – even if you’re not feeling your most attractive,  slip into something less comfortable, put some make up on and act sexy,  he’ll love it and you’ll feel better about yourself and boost your confidence. Men – make her feel confident, compliment her, reassure her she’s as beautiful and sexy as ever and that you want her just the same, more than ever. Pay attention to foreplay.

11.     Get someone to watch the children on a Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours and close the curtains,  have a glass of wine,  and rediscover each other. Men- daytime sex is often better as she’s not so tired and she won’t feel like she’s losing out on sleep.


12.    Book a night away in a hotel or B & B,  you don’t even have to go far,  the change in environment will release inhibitions, plus you get a sleep with no interruptions. Men – wait until she’s comfortable leaving the baby/children then surprise her with a night away. Grab a bargain getaway here

13.    Exercise – regular exercise releases endorphins and instead of making you tired, believe it or not, actually makes you more up for it.

14.    Alcohol – not enough to get drunk and go to sleep or not be able to get into it, but enough to make you feel fruity.

15.    Watch a ‘romantic’ film (anything from rom-com to porn according to taste) together of your choice and maybe half way through let your hands wander…

Remember – sex isn’t always about penetration, try mutual masturbation, oral sex, role play, sex toys. You might need some extra lubrication after giving birth, or due to hormones in breastfeeding. Men – the best vibrator I’ve ever used is the wand vibrator, it doesn’t involve penetration and can be used by her alone or with a partner and it gives mega orgasms. She’ll thank you for weeks and have a big smile on her face afterwards. It runs off the mains and gives really good vibrations.  Click here and search wand vibrator. It’s really foolproof for you to use on her and stimulate the clitoris. You can thank me later.

If you’re doing it for the first time after having a baby, read my article here

Stay safe (no more babies unless you want them) and have fun 😉

Disclosure: contains affiliate links.

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  • Reply GiGi Eats

    No kids yet – but I can only image how EXHAUSTING they make you… Thus sex is not a frequent thing! ha!

    February 11, 2016 at 9:02 pm
    • Reply Midwife and Life

      Ah, just wait then! The mind is willing but the flesh is weak…

      February 11, 2016 at 9:03 pm
  • Reply Single Mum Speaks

    Well, this is a moot point since I am single and couldn’t have sex even if I wanted to, but since having a baby I have not even wanted to, so probably best that I don’t have a husband hanging around expecting anything! #showandtell

    February 18, 2016 at 10:32 pm
    • Reply Midwife and Life

      I’m somewhat jealous in a way but also it must be hard work – I know you don’t have a choice but to get on with it.

      February 19, 2016 at 2:42 am
  • Reply Karen C

    Some great tips here. Thank you! I think it’s important to keep things feeling new and interesting in the bedroom. I have been married for 7 years and it is difficult to keep the passion alive. I was happy to come across this article! I recently read a super sexy and helpful book called, “Boredom or Love Till the Very End” by Andrey Rider (http://andreyrider.com/) <— his website also has adult game ideas to play with your partner and a great blog with valuable relationship/sex advice. It is a fiction novel that tackles infidelity, routine and monotony in a relationship, and most importantly, sex! I could not put it down and I really think it's a must read for women looking for new sexual experiences. Hope you and your readers will check it out

    February 25, 2016 at 10:31 pm
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  • Reply Margo

    Total cringe fest. I hope your kids don’t read this one day! You have to plug yourself into the mains to get off? Deary me.

    June 28, 2017 at 10:21 am
    • Reply Midwife and Life

      It’s one of the tools I can use because I’m not afraid to experiment with my sex life. If my kids read it one day they’ll know I have a happy healthy sex life with my husband. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      June 28, 2017 at 10:31 am
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    July 24, 2017 at 10:18 am
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