After you’ve had a baby and when you’ve got young children, they’re very good at sapping all the energy out of you, leaving you in the mood for nothing more than simply refuelling and maybe watching Deep Space Nine (just me then) before heading to bed to, er, sleep (the most precious commodity in parenting). Probably the last thing on your mind is sex with your partner, but it is important to make time for each other in this way, he’ll appreciate it and you will too once you get down to it! Sex is a great stress reliever and can help you sleep better, it also re-establishes your connection with each other and keeps you bonded together. He’ll also be more likely to help out in other ways, trust me. I am in no way saying do it when you don’t want to, but here are some pointers to help you get in the mood. For the guys I’ll tell you the real ways to get your girlfriend/wife/partner in the mood for sex when they’re a worn out parent. Your tips are in blue, because you know, blue is a man’s colour or something.
1. Arrange a date in advance to do it. It sounds un-sexy but actually scheduling it in helps build the anticipation and you’re less likely to come up with an excuse not to. Of course you can still decide against it on the day.
2. Wear some matching sexy underwear for the day, not so uncomfortable that it puts you off, but something soft and sensual in colours you like, by the end of the day you’ll want to show it off. Men – why not offer to buy some new underwear, her shape may have changed, or get her some as a surprise.
4. Have a code word or phrase that means sex is on the cards – something more original than ‘netflix and chill,’ and have fun with it, no one will know except the two of you. Surprise him now and again and watch his little face light up. Men – this can be a non invasive way to find out if she’s in the mood and test the waters.
5. Try getting the children to bed on time, having an early dinner and making it a priority. Record what you want to watch on TV, put down the phones and really connect, talk about what happened during the day, what your hopes are for the future and just see what happens. Men – really listen to her, she may not have spoken to an adult all day and will need to offload. Offer support and encouragement.
7. Give and receive massages with no expectation of it going further, feeling nurtured will help you feel intimate and pave the way for another time. Men – brush up your massage techniques and offer head, neck, back and shoulder massages, foot massages. Get her all nice and relaxed and in the mood for touching. If it doesn’t lead to sex this time, it will do another time.
8. Change it up by doing it in the middle of the night or early morning before the kids get up – make it a quickie! Men – be prepared for when the moment strikes!
9. Just go for it, even if you don’t always feel like it, there’s a good chance you’ll soon get into it and if you’re really not feeling it, pleasure him this time and tell him it’s your turn next time. Men – when you finally get down to it, if she’s not into it, don’t pressure her to finish it, be understanding and you’ll be the hero and instantly more attractive.
10. It’s all about confidence – even if you’re not feeling your most attractive, slip into something less comfortable, put some make up on and act sexy, he’ll love it and you’ll feel better about yourself and boost your confidence. Men – make her feel confident, compliment her, reassure her she’s as beautiful and sexy as ever and that you want her just the same, more than ever. Pay attention to foreplay.
11. Get someone to watch the children on a Sunday afternoon for a couple of hours and close the curtains, have a glass of wine, and rediscover each other. Men- daytime sex is often better as she’s not so tired and she won’t feel like she’s losing out on sleep.
12. Book a night away in a hotel or B & B, you don’t even have to go far, the change in environment will release inhibitions, plus you get a sleep with no interruptions. Men – wait until she’s comfortable leaving the baby/children then surprise her with a night away. Grab a bargain getaway here
14. Alcohol – not enough to get drunk and go to sleep or not be able to get into it, but enough to make you feel fruity.
15. Watch a ‘romantic’ film (anything from rom-com to porn according to taste) together of your choice and maybe half way through let your hands wander…
Remember – sex isn’t always about penetration, try mutual masturbation, oral sex, role play, sex toys. You might need some extra lubrication after giving birth, or due to hormones in breastfeeding. Men – the best vibrator I’ve ever used is the wand vibrator, it doesn’t involve penetration and can be used by her alone or with a partner and it gives mega orgasms. She’ll thank you for weeks and have a big smile on her face afterwards. It runs off the mains and gives really good vibrations. Click here and search wand vibrator. It’s really foolproof for you to use on her and stimulate the clitoris. You can thank me later.