Losing a child is the hardest thing any parent can face. There is no preparation for such a tragedy, and no one ever expects to outlive their children, but it does happen. It happened to me 12 years ago now, and although it gets easier, you never forget. It doesn’t matter whether your child was a teenager, an adult, or a newborn. You may even have experienced a stillbirth or miscarriage. It might have been sudden or the result of a long illness. Whatever the circumstances, the death will no doubt hit you hard. It can be difficult for parents to make sense of such an awful thing, and you may wonder how you are going to cope.
If you are going through a similar loss in your life, here are four tips that helped me and may help you and your family cope.
Stick together
Your loved ones will be a crutch in this time, and it’s important that you and your family pool together to help each other through. Rather than shutting yourself off, seek comfort in one another and gather strength from other members of your family. It will help you to remember that you are not going through this alone, and you have people in your life who will love you and support you through anything. It is also good to talk about the child you lost with the people who remember them the most.
Process the loss
Grief is a tricky emotion to pinpoint, as it can manifest itself in many different ways. Some parents may break down in floods of tears, while others may fall into a state of silent shock. You could display anger, fear, guilt, resentment, loneliness, or intense depression. There is no telling how you might feel, but it’s important to remember there is no wrong way to grieve. Embrace the feelings you need to feel, and over time you will begin to process and accept your loss and move on with your life. If the loss was caused by another person or medical negligence, then you may feel the need to seek justice or compensation before you can move on. Consider enlisting the services of a professional lawyer such as Greg Hoag Attorney to put your mind at rest. If the loss was a stillbirth or as the result of a traumatic birth, there are de-briefing services your Midwife can put you in touch with.
Seek professional help
Many grieving parents find therapy to be an extremely useful lifeline in such circumstances. Talking to someone can help you to process your feelings and work through your sadness while gathering advice on how to move on with your life. Support groups will surround you with other people in similar situations who can provide invaluable guidance. Even just listening can be helpful. I took advantage of counselling provided by the children’s hospice which was so helpful.
Look after your health
When grief overtakes your life, no one would blame you for letting your healthy habits slip. Maintaining a healthy diet and a regular exercise regime is no doubt the last thing on your mind. But while you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not going to the gym, it’s important you look after yourself. Make an effort to cook healthy meals for your family and get outside for a bit of physical activity, even if it’s just a brisk walk. The exercise will help you clear your head and may make you feel a little better.
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