I first heard the term ‘Love Bombing’ on where else, social media. It’s being used currently for parents to love bomb each of their children in turn, basically showering them with affection and attention for a day, an afternoon, an hour, whatever you can manage. It reaffirms your relationship and makes them feel special.
I’ve recently been thinking that it’s about time we love bombed ourselves. Beyond self care, or perhaps as part of it. We spin so many plates as mothers these days, I know I do. I have two jobs, three children, a husband, two cats and a home to manage. I give a lot to my family and to my jobs. I care passionately about my work as a blogger and as a nurse. When you give a lot to other people and endeavours, burnout is always lurking. I’ve suffered from it before, I wanted to run away from life.
Unfortunately there’s no running away from your problems, they will follow you. The only answer is to take a long hard look at your life, and decide what needs to give. You almost certainly can’t have it all. Perhaps you need to adjust your lifestyle or expectations and then you’ll feel happier. What must be number one priority is you.
You might be lucky and have a supportive partner and family, but they can’t always see you’re struggling because you always get on with it so well. Sometimes we just have to admit defeat. I find it helps if I have a goal in mind, like a booked weekend away without the children, a date night, just some time on my own. I plan my week so that I can have some time on my own as part of my working week, because my mental health is so much better then.
There have been times I’ve been so resentful of my partner for not having to take so much on. The answer became involving him more in the children’s and general life admin. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to do any of it, he just assumed it was all OK with me. My mental load had become very high. Just offloading a few things like sorting the house insurance, utility bills and broadband services helped enormously. He also is copied in to the vast amount of school emails we get and helps to action them.
We take turns putting the children to bed so we know it’s not one of us doing it every night. Even with all this, sometimes it’s just needed to love bomb yourself to recharge. It works both ways, once you are recharged, offer to do the same for your partner.
How I Love Bomb Myself
My favourite way in case you haven’t already guessed, is to take a day completely alone, at home. Sometimes it’s nice to go shopping alone too, that’s just bliss. Particularly if I have something specific in mind I’ve been meaning to get. We are in desperate need of a new bed and mattress at the moment and I’ve been doing some research. I like the look of some on bedguru.co.uk and I need time to focus on it and narrow down the purchase.
I keep an Amazon wish list and an Ebay watch list which every now and again I treat myself to. The best thing I bought for myself recently was the stationery calendar from Paperchase. It was £35, I would never normally spend that much on such a seemingly frivolous thing, but it made me feel so good, and I know that I will get immense pleasure from opening it every day in December. I had such calendar envy last year seeing everyone’s calendars. The kids will be getting cheaper ones!
I take a long bath, and lock the door. I warn everyone, take a book, a drink in and leave my phone elsewhere. Another thing I do if I am being short with people, grumpy and snappy is just take myself of to bed early, ask not to be disturbed. It sounds diva-ish, but I know I don’t do that often, and if my husband is feeling that way, I know to give him space and I’ll steer the kids towards me. We don’t often go out together these days, but if either of us has gone out with friends and is feeling a bit delicate the next day, we give the other a lie in and low expectations. Neither of us holds a grudge because it works both ways.
I hope I’ve given you some ideas to love bomb yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re being selfish, it means you love yourself, and once you do, you will be better at looking after and giving to others.
Disclosure: collaborative post