Disclosure: collaborative post
Sex is great, it’s a healthy part of a normal relationship and, let’s face it, none of us would be here without it. But it can also be a part of life that causes anxiety, stress and even issues in our mental health. Because in our society it’s taboo to talk about sex it’s often the one area of life where we shut it down and worry away in the dark about issues not even knowing if anyone else suffers from the same issues, fears or concerns that we do and in the vast majority of situations, it’s much more common than we think. So here we are going to look at some of the problems that couples often worry about their sex lives.
Fitness & Athleticism
Sex is an activity, and as such it takes effort and if we are unfit or suffer from any physical issues then it can be quite the effort and we can worry about if it’s going to cause us any harm, such as a heart attack. Or even just concerns that we are unable to keep up with our partner or offer then a performance that satisfies them as much as they deserve. Now it’s good advice to stay fit and healthy just for general living but there’s no harm in checking, it’s been said that if you cannot go up and down 2 sets of stairs without stopping then this may be a sign of arterial damage and you may struggle to perform sexually. But wanting to improve sexual performance is as good a reason as any to motivate yourself into keeping fit. There are other times when physically you want to be careful or health is getting in the way, such as returning to sex after childbirth.
Concern That Partner is Faking
For most of us, we want to keep our partner happy and do well for them. So it makes sense that we want this in our sex lives as well. But there are a surprising amount of worry about if your partner is faking it or not, we may feel inadequate as we are not up to satisfying our loved one.
It’s a Funny Shape or Size
This is always something that almost all of us worry about, our body shape. This can be anything from being overweight to breast shape, nipples or how big your penis is. The good news is that it is not just you, all if think this and the key is often to talk it through with your partner and you’ll often find it’s just you and they are perfectly happy, if you still feel it would help you to not feel this way, there are options available such as enlargements, etc.
Inability to Climax
This is often a problem that is perceived to be a female-only issue but that is far from the truth. It seems to be more prevalent in women, however, that may be largely due to it being over-represented in the media. Medically known as Orgasmic Dysfunction this can be caused by a whole range of problems from anxiety, depression, bladder issues or medication side effects. What is important is to not be embarrassed to talk about this and not to blame your partner either. If the issue persists then it may be important to see a doctor or even a good sex therapist that can help you and your partner in your sex lives.
Often you find one partner worrying that they are not experienced enough to be good enough for the other. This is common and it’s understandable but not really helpful, as your partner has chosen to be with you and not your history. Some couples think it a good idea to bring up the discussion of ex-partners but this can be as problematic as it could be potentially helpful as if there is a large discrepancy between the number of ex-partners then this can cause a rift and jealousy.
Failure to Live Up to Unrealistic Standards
These days there is a lot of sexual content everywhere and it can be found in advertising films, TV, even video games but the one area that has really increased the abundance of sexual material is the dramatic increase of internet pornography. This has caused a whole multitude of issues as now we are in an era where younger adults have gone through their whole adolescence with this content existing. This gives an unrealistic impression of what real sexual relationships are like and also what real, normal adult bodies are supposed to look like. It can make the expectation of the types of activity that people enjoy being assumed to be more violent or extreme than is reasonable to assume. This is a criticism that has been particularly leveled at young men these days and it not only frustrates their partners it can cause impotence and performance issues.
Pain During Sex
Pain during sex can be one of the most off-putting things that can cause issues between a couple. It is quite a vague description of an issue but it can be a few things. Sometimes it’s physical issues such as a tight foreskin on a man or a tight vagina, known as vaginismus, these can be sorted often with exercises or stretching and in rare cases may require a medical procedure. Other issues may be the existence of sensitivity or tenderness, this can be by over-stimulation or even sensitive skin. Consider using lotions or moisturisers or even a sexual lubricant to help out.
Quite often people worry about having an STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) even when there is little chance of actually having one. But it is still a legitimate concern to have. You can easily get a sexual health check these days and the results are much quicker than they used to be with many clinics offering same-day results. If you do fund out you have an infection then it’s important to get treatment, don’t have unprotected sex until it is treated and let any recent partners know so that they may get checked out themselves.