I speak to lots of parents and a lot of women feel unprepared for the bodily changes and the shock of becoming parents. You can’t really prepare totally for it, but I’m here to be honest with you. It’s not all blooming serenity in a hay field.
Once you’re pregnant, there can be some really weird sh*t going on. You might be lucky and get away scot free, but I bet you get at least two of these not-so-talked-about things that can happen to you and your body in pregnancy that no-one tells you about… until now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
- You can get varicose veins – not just on your legs but on your vagina lips (labia), meaning they swell and become painful. Oh, and there’s nothing you can do about it
- Your labia can also swell and grow due to more blood flow
- Your boobs can grow disproportionately meaning you have one giant boob. I knew one lady who had to stuff one side of her bra with tissues to even it out
- Your vaginal discharge increases and can be anything from thick and gloopy to watery, leading you to think you’ve either a) wet yourself or b) your waters have broken
- If you sneeze, laugh or cough you probably did wet yourself. Also not restricted to those times
- When your labour is on it’s way you may have a ‘show,’ which isn’t a hit musical, but thick mucous-y jelly streaked with blood that comes out of your vagina and can last for more than a week
- Your moles and freckles can grown and change colour and some people get a patchy brown ‘mask’ of pregnancy on their face
- Hello teenage acne again!
- Your nipples darken, the areola spreads and they protrude more
- You get more wind, both ends
- You may be constipated one day and have diarrhoea the next, or all in the same day if you’re lucky
- You can get excess saliva
- Along with a dog like sense of smell
- Your labia darken and can appear bluish in colour
- Your feet can start to smell
- Your feet and ankles swell up
- Your veins start showing through your skin
- Carpal tunnel syndrome – your fingers get pins and needles and can’t grip properly
- Heartburn – all night
- Nausea and vomiting – not just in the morning
- Restless legs
- Sciatica – nerve pain in the buttocks and legs
- Pelvic girdle pain so bad you need crutches
- Gagging every time you brush your teeth
- Piles – really bad ones that itch and bleed
Once you’ve had the baby?
- Bleeding, heavy for a couple of days with clots
- Bleeding, dragging on for up to 6 weeks
- Boobs like hard rocks on day 3-4 when the milk comes in (breastfeeding or not)
- Leaking boobs that tingle when the milk lets down
- Sore nipples
- Swollen ankles and legs (if you think you got away with it in pregnancy)
- Jelly belly
- You still look pregnant
- Skin breakout
- Crying over spilled milk
- Crying over anything
- Piles, again
Well, I hope I haven’t put you off, and don’t worry, most of them disappear afterwards and you’ll be back to something resembling normal…. erm, within a year. Sort of.
Have I missed anything out? Tell me if you got anything different!
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